More than five million Americans are currently living with
Alzheimer’s disease. It takes an average of 30 months from the time
family members notice the first symptoms of dementia until the person is
diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

There are several reasons for this, but one of the principal ones is
that family members hesitate to take their loved one to a doctor,
fearing that the diagnosis will in fact turn out to be Alzheimer’s.

Alzheimer’s is, above all, an insidious illness. It begins with very
mild symptoms – things we all do from time to time, such as forgetting
to turn off the stove, temporarily forgetting an acquaintance’s name, or
misplacing the car keys.

But for the person with dementia, these events will become more frequent, and with time ,more serious symptoms will appear.

The illness sometimes progresses so slowly that friends and family
members can be in total denial. They may try to explain away the
symptoms, push them to the back of their minds, or make excuses for the
person. Loved ones can remain in denial for months or even years.

I was in denial about the symptoms of my loved one, Ed, around three
years, as narrated in my memoir. When he started mixing up names I just
thought it was a natural part of aging. When he got lost driving to my
house I decided he was just temporarily confused.

Even when he was found driving on the wrong side of the road, I told
myself it was just because he was driving after dark. I didn’t accept
the truth until one evening he told me he didn’t have a kitchen and that
furthermore, he didn’t even know what a kitchen was.

Here are some questions to consider when a loved one is showing signs of dementia.

1. How can you convince a person with symptoms of dementia to go to a doctor?

In the early stages of the illness the person with dementia is often
in denial as well. He or she realizes something is wrong and tries to
understand it in any way possible that doesn’t involve the words
‘Alzheimer’s’ or ‘dementia.’ At this stage many people refuse to discuss
their symptoms with their doctor.

Carol Steinberg of the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America, says that
you may be able to talk to a person with mild symptoms in a rational
way, stating the importance of finding out what’s wrong.

You can also point out that the problem could be something other than
Alzheimer’s that could be treated, and that if it is Alzheimer’s
disease, the earlier it is diagnosed the better. Available medications
appear to work better earlier in the disease process. Furthermore, a
diagnosis enables families to plan for the future and take advantage of
support services.

“But for those with more severe symptoms,” says Steinberg, “you may have to use what we refer to as ‘therapeutic fibbing.’

For example, you might tell the person you have a doctor’s
appointment and ask them to go with you.” This, of course, would have to
be prearranged so the physician will know the real reason for the

Come Back Early Today:

2. How Do Physicians Make the Diagnosis?

According to Steinberg, clinicians can now diagnose Alzheimer’s
disease with up to 90 percent accuracy, although it can only be
definitely confirmed by an autopsy, during which pathologists look for
the disease’s characteristic plaques and tangles in brain tissue.

Clinicians can diagnose “probable” Alzheimer’s disease by taking a
complete medical history and conducting lab tests, a physical exam,
brain scans and neuro-psychological tests that gauge memory, attention,
language skills and problem-solving abilities. Interviewing a close
friend or family member is also critical to making the diagnosis.

3. Should the patient be told about the diagnosis?

This can be a difficult ethical issue. Telling or not telling the
patient about the diagnosis is a personal decision. “In most instances
it’s better to let people know,” says Steinberg. “They have a right to
know. This helps them understand what’s going on and work to come to
terms with it. It also allows them to participate in medical, legal and
financial decisions that will have to be made.”

In some cases, however, the diagnosis is best not communicated to the patient.

I personally decided not to tell Ed. He had often told me he’d commit
suicide if he got Alzheimer’s, and I knew he had a stash of Valium
tablets he’d been amassing over the years for that very purpose.

I wasn’t sure he’d actually do it, but I didn’t want to take a
chance. He was an extremely strong-willed and proud man. It should be
pointed out, however, that according to Steinberg, the role of
Alzheimer’s disease or a related dementia as a risk factor for suicide
is controversial, with the risk linked to co-existing depression in some

4. How should family members and friends be informed of the diagnosis?

When a person is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s it’s important to inform
close friends and family members. One reason is that doing so will help
others be more understanding and compassionate about the person’s
sometimes annoying symptoms.

When disclosing the information it’s important to be honest about the
disease. You can use this opportunity to provide them some details about
the illness per se.

You should also ask for their support going forward. The Alzheimer’s
Foundation website has a wealth of advice about how to inform family,
friends and neighbors of the diagnosis.

No one wants to have a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. There’s
nothing more painful and chilling than learning your loved one has
dementia. But when the person is exhibiting symptoms of the illness, an
evaluation has to be conducted, and the sooner the better.

Marie Marley is the author of the uplifting, award-winning book, Come
Back Early Today: A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer’s and Joy. To learn more
about Marie and to accesss her wealth of information for caregivers go
to Come Back Early Today.

A slightly different version of this article was published on the Huffington Post.

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